I have four days left. Not to live, though you might think that is the case-the way I am acting (from time to time)- four days left until my fiftieth birthday. I am very happy to be alive, but not so happy about turning a half-century old. This is not about complaining….more contemplative…. 😉
Time is a cruel concept to learn…
Time is a cruel concept to learn. We do not learn it quickly, either. I can remember, as a child, thinking that days went by sooooo slowly. It took Christmas forever to get here. The school year was sooooo long-things like that. The older I got, the more time seemed to speed up. Time slowed down a little when my children were young, thank God, but only for about 10 years! Now, time speeds by like the flash of light-it’s so fast, I have to hold on for The Ride.
My children have grown up right before my very eyes….
It seems like only yesterday when Mini Me was starting Pre-K. He is 22 now, and actually looks like a man! You know how teenagers-boys-go all of a sudden from child to man, seemingly overnight?! I look at him sometimes and I think, is this seriously my kid? I know he is. Not to mention that he looks just like me.
I think about The Middle Child. It seems like yesterday that she was singing Mahalia’s “Precious Lord” in front of Mimi’s whole church the Easter of second grade, or even saying the Pledge on stage, IN FRENCH, at the end of 5th grade. She just graduated from high school!
And then, of course, I cannot leave out The Baby. It seems like just yesterday that he was even born! My little side-kick. I love watching our videos of his baby self singing, “I Love Rock & Roll” and others-while Jack played guitar and Eliza played the bongo drum. The Baby is taller than I am now, by over an inch! He is TWELVE! His little voice is changing. He is getting lanky and looking like a teenager.
How did it all go by so fast?
The thing is this: How did it all go by so fast? I wasn’t expecting it to be here so soon. The Ride started out like a slow Merry-Go-Round. Now, it seems like a roller coaster. I still think of myself as about 23-24 years old – carefree and full of dreams for the future. There is a specific photograph in my mind. I look in the mirror and search for that girl. I wonder where she went, because I can’t see her anymore. Someone close to me tells me to look harder and deeper because she is still there….
It’s about the journey, the ride, and what we learn along the way….
Believe me. I know the more mature version of myself is a better one. I remember who I was at 23! Nobody needs to remind me 😉 While I will still complain about the number, I am grateful to God, and the many important people in my life who helped me get here. And isn’t that what is all about, anyway? The Ride? The Journey? No, it hasn’t been all fun and games, but it wasn’t supposed to be. At times, it has been downright painful. It’s about making mistakes and cleaning them up. It’s about lessons and learning and how we react to things or not react, and it’s especially how we treat other people. That’s a big one. Treating other people with kindness. Some of us have to learn some of these lessons many times before we actually “get” them. I know I am not finished learning yet, and I know that just because I will be 50 years old, doesn’t mean I don’t have time. I still have all the time left in the world.