I feel as though my head may explode right off of my neck. I have a lot going on. I will not list off all of my current life/stress situations for you, as I see that as nothing but complaining. I will say that I have a GOOD Stress List and a BAD Stress List. Number one on the GOOD Stress List is that, after 9 years of living in our house, our heinous hellfire pit of a backyard and our swimming pool are getting a gigantic makeover! And I will tell you that my father-in-law-of-21-years-having-liver-cancer is numero uno on the BAD Stress List. I am getting so many helpful tips of advice on how to deal with all of my stress right now, too. I know people mean well-I really do. I know that these things that they are advising me to do have actually helped them, and I respect that-I really do. This is not the first time I have ever been stressed out or anything [choke LOL]. But seriously. I have tried the usual, obvious things that everybody suggests.
- Pray about it. Yep. I do pray about it. Morning, afternoon, and night. I pray. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, PLEASE get Dekalb County to get off their asses and finish fixing the intersection of Evans Road and Henderson Mill Road so it can reopen and I can get to and from work in a decent amount of time, because going the long ass way really sucks. I pray that I-85 gets fixed really fast, because the traffic situation here in the ATL is so awful that I am afraid that the road-rage death toll is going to start rising. I pray about a lot of things. All day long.
- Work Out. Yeah. I’m trying. That, my friend, is a HUGE part of the problem! There are NOT ENOUGH hours in the day! Where did they all go? There used to be 24. Now there are like 5. What the hell happened? I get up, go to work, which I am usually 5 to 7 minutes late for, come home, have zero time to do anything, make lunches for the next day, throw together a shitty dinner or order out, and go to bed. Now where in the hell am I supposed to fit working out into that God-awful routine? Make it a priority-I know, I know, I know. I am trying. Really, I truly am. I set my clock. I go to bed early. Sometimes, it is just humanly impossible for me to get up at 4:00am-even if I go to bed at 8:30pm. I’m 46.5 years old. I work full time, not from home. I have 3 kids-yes, one is at college, but I do still worry about him like he is at home LOLOL. I had thyroid cancer in 2006 and have no thyroid. I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia in 2013, and while most of the time I don’t think I actually have it, there are times when that statement comes to bite me on the ass. I actually do work out two to three times a week, and for now, I’m afraid that’s going to have to suffice-for me.
- Meditate. Yeah, right. I have proven that it is not humanly possible for me to meditate. I have tried. And tried and tried and tried. I even tried a class at the Buddhist Monastery near my house. I hate meditation. I don’t just hate it, I detest it. I start thinking about what I am going to do when I get done meditating, or what I need to be doing instead of meditating. Then my blood pressure goes up, because I am wasting time just sitting there. It is terrible.
- Ask for help and allow people to help. I do this. Each and every day. In fact, I have gotten really, really good at this one. So good, that I am probably abusing some of my relationships, which is not good.
- Learn to say “NO”. This one took me a LONG time to even grasp onto, but, man, I have a firm grip on it now. I don’t have a problem saying “NO”, in fact, I can give you a big, fat, “HELL to the NO” in under a second-for just about any request that involves me putting myself out, most especially if it involves driving (Next year, I have plans in the works to pay someone to take the children to school- If you live in Atlanta, that statement makes total sense to you-most especially since the crackheads burned down I-85). Nothing makes me feel guilty about it, either. Not even Mothah 😉
- Take care of me. I try to do this. This falls into the working out category for me. It also falls under the not enough hours in the day category. How does anyone with a job, a house, bills, or kids actually have “me time”? Seriously.
- Go to a meeting. Bill, if you are reading this, refer to the working out or take care of me category 😉
I have a lot of gratitude for all of the good things and good people in my life. I love my job and the friends I have made there. I look forward to getting there each morning. See, I knew this would happen. As frustrating as things were for me going back to work last August and September, and well October and November and if I am being honest, December was no picnic because it was the first December in 8 years that I had worked….What I am getting at here is that I do not want to give anything up! I cannot imagine not working now. I think I need to learn how to juggle….. So, just when things were coming together, what did we do? We got a puppy. What the hell were we thinking? Clearly, we were not. I had it all planned out in my head-it was going to work perfectly. Of course that is not what happened! I am losing my mind. At work, I can miss 13 days. 10 sick days and 3 personal days. That looks like a lot on paper, and it even sounds like a lot. Who should actually need all of those days? ME! ME! ME! I need them and more. I needed to go to New York City for three days, just because, with Mothah and her BFF and The Middle Child–that was planned before I took my job. Then, I found out I had a hernia and needed surgery-BOOM, 5 days. As much as I love my job, the damn thing interferes with my life, already!!! Fast-forward to Spring….We did not make any fabulous Spring Break plans because we are going to France as soon as school gets out. I made all the doctor’s appointments for Spring Break. Every single day of our Spring Break was taken up by an appointment of some sort. On Friday, I almost canceled my mammogram–just to have one free day of Spring Break, but I didn’t because I knew I would not have time to go again. How in the hell do people actually do this and stay sane? I am sitting here, on my bed, staring at my dresser and the mound of clothes that is piled up on top of it-simply because I have not taken the time to put anything away. The dishwasher is full of clean dishes. My family is waiting on me to cook dinner. There is laundry to be done. I could be downstairs on my elliptical machine, working out, but I am not, and for some reason, I don’t give a rat’s ass. It. Will. All. Wait. I have cried at work every single day this week (over non-work-related issues), except today, and today is Thursday. The funny thing about me not crying today is that during my carpool duty, I got a phone call and I actually answered it-just not thinking. It was about the mammogram that I had last Friday-the one I almost canceled so that I would have one free day of Spring Break. They need me to come in for a follow-up. Dammit. On top of every single fucking other thing, (remember, now, I didn’t tell you everything) I have to go back in for another mammogram. Really? I know it is probably nothing, and I am not really worried, but even having to go back in again at all is something to me–it takes time out of my day, and my job. It’s different now that I no longer answer to just myself. I know, I know….I should be grateful, and I AM. If it is something, that I am fortunate enough to have been notified and yada yada yada…yeah, I get it. It’s just always something, and I do know that life is that way. I seem to be getting a lot of life lately. I suppose I should be grateful?! I hear that it’s better than the alternative, a lot, but seriously, how do I know that? How do you know that? How does anybody fucking know that? LOLOL NOBODY has actually come back from THE ALTERNATIVE to tell us whether it’s better there or NOT! So, really, I’m sick and tired of hearing about how this shit is better than the alternative. YOU don’t KNOW that for a fact. When you DO know that, then come talk to me! 😉 That does not mean that I want to head for The Alternative! I’m just sayin’….. Anyway….There is a lot of good going on. Mini Me is about to be home for the summer. That means that I can hire him to do all of the things that I can’t seem to get to. He can also take care of, um, I mean BOND WITH the puppy! The Middle Child is going to Scotland with her youth group. We are all going to France. The psychomother is just, well, a little teeny bit psycho right now. It’s okay. It’s not like it’s the first time.