Yesterday, my husband had our car. We are about to buy another car. That, in and of itself, is a long story that I will not bore you with. Let’s just leave it at: yesterday, I was at home without a car. Yes, I could have called a friend to take me, yet again, to Kroger. Yes, I could have called my father in law, to drive across town, to take me to Kroger. I could have walked to Kroger. I could have called Uber and gone to Kroger. I could have gotten my ass to Kroger to get stuff for dinner, but I did not. I despise going to the grocery store. It is my least favorite chore on the planet. I will do just about anything to get out of it. I chose to work out at home, and then clean off my back porch that looked like Sanford and Son’s back porch. Then, I mowed my back yard and bagged up some leaves. My husband was picking up The Middle Child after her chorus rehearsal at 5:00, so I texted him a short list of items to please pick up at Kroger on the way home, and I never thought about dinner again.
When the mail came, a vinyl thingy I ordered on Etsy was in it. It was for The Baby’s new
“Star Wars” themed room and says “May The Force Be With You” in silver. I have always just painted straight on the wall. These vinyl things scare the shit out of me. They come with directions–something I don’t follow very well. So, when I heard The Middle Child and my husband come through the door, I was upstairs, applying that damn vinyl thingy to The Baby’s wall, cussing up a storm. Thank God I got the damn thing level. It was the hardest thing I have done in my life. The Middle Child came into the room to see it. “Did y’all go to the store?” I asked. “No”she said. I just rolled my eyes and shook my head and said, “Great.” About that time, The Baby came running up the stairs with my husband, to show him the new vinyl. I was so pissed about the grocery store, I couldn’t help myself. ” I guess you decided not to go to the store?” I dug in. “Not yet” he replied. I went into our room and started changing my clothes. I had heard The Baby ask him to go outside and play with his giant foam airplane, and that should and would take precedence over the damn grocery store. I would take my ass to Kroger so that my husband could play outside with The Baby. The two of them went out to play. I was still getting ready to go when my husband came in and asked if we had a ladder. I am the one who paints, repairs, etc. around here …LOL
I don’t know..Maybe I am the only one who has these types of dialogues in my own head? So….It was on. I remembered that our large round umbrella table was on the bottom patio, so I ran down and got it. In flip flops. I positioned it just under the lowest part of our roof, and made sure there were bricks under the legs so it would not sink in the pea gravel. I put that rickety-ass ladder up on that table and climbed aboard, all the while, trying to figure out where the the hell my Wonder Woman cape from Six Flags might be. I knew it was in my closet. I also knew it would take time to find it and had the potential to ruin my surprise of getting onto the roof in the first place, so I just ditched that thought and moved on. I got to the top of the ladder and chickened out. There was no fucking way. Also, I was in my semi-good jeans and a shirt I liked–I had changed to go to the grocery store, remember? I climbed back down. Then I remembered the thought that had fueled the fire in the first place, and climbed back up, this time, all the way up on top of the rickety-ass ladder. I hoisted one knee on top on the roof and that was all she wrote. I was up there. Yep. In flip flops. I have been on our roof many times, so I was not scared. I ran across and picked up the airplane. I yelled The Baby’s name. “MOM! HOW DID YOU GET UP THERE?” he yelled. “Don’t worry about it!” I said. About that time, my husband came out from under the carport-his eyes wide and his mouth hanging open. “HOW did you get up there?” he asked. “I’m resourceful” I said. “You’re a Bad Ass” he said. I just smiled and said thank you. I won’t need any compliments from him for years. In my mind, for your own husband to call you a “Bad Ass”…well, that is about the highest compliment one can ever receive….even though my children have been calling me that for years 😉
I must say that Mini Me was not home when all of this occurred. When he heard all of this, he called me a “Dumb Ass”….. 😉 I am sure that Mothah might agree….. I will also say that my husband did come around to the back and hold the ladder so I could climb down safely, and all’s well that ends well. Bad Assery, well done 😉