The Way We Were…

I was Facebook messaging with an old friend of mine from college the other night.  He (yes, I said he ) is one a handful of people that I still keep in touch with now–almost 30 years later.  I think of him as a boy, really–not the 45 year old man that he is.  I think of all of us-our group of friends-as the 19 to 22 year olds that we were back then.   Nearing the end of our messaging conversation, he said that “he missed ‘us’ ” and thanked me for still being here.  He did not mean that he missed ‘us’ as though he and I were ever a couple because we were never that.  We were always just very close friends.  We could always depend on each other.  He was talking about our group of friends and how things used to be back then.  I do not miss being hungover every single day.  I do not miss staying out so late that I see the sun come up. I do not miss being broke because I spent every dime I had on things I should not have been buying.  I do not miss the guilt I felt because of that.  I do miss the hope and the excitement of the future that was part of being that age!  God, do I miss that.  All of that just somehow seems to slip away as the years go by and life takes its toll.  I miss having dreams.  I mean it’s not as if I don’t have any dreams anymore, but they aren’t all really for me now, they are for my children.  I know that I should have dreams for myself, and I do, but they are not as grandiose as they once were.  Well…maybe one or two are.  We did have fun-lots of it.  I think that if we could have all stayed there-suspended in time-we would have.  Now, we are scattered about, not too terribly far from each other.  A few of us talk from time to time-some more often than others.  Those people were the closest friends I have ever had in my life.  I have only made 2 or 3 closer friends since-in 30 years-and that’s fine with me.

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