Britch

Many years ago, as in about 45 years ago, my Mothah gave my father a Valentine.  It was a pair of red, nylon boxer shorts.  It was a joke.  He never even had them on his body-not even once-because I, the one year old, snagged them and held on to them, well, for the better part of the next 45 years!  I liked the way the nylon felt on my face when it got cold. If I set Britch (as in short for britches) to the side in my bed, I could grab him a few minutes later, and he felt so good to hold on to!  Unfortunately, Britch’s friend, Nightie, did not make it.  Nightie was one of Mothah’s hot pink, nylon nightgown’s that I also commandeered and took for my own.  Sometimes, I would actually wear Britch and just carry Nightie around.  Nightie disintegrated years and years ago-from so much love.  I think she must have been made from nylon not as durable as Britch…because Britch lives!   The other night, The Baby got into my bed because his Daddy was at a meeting.  He had his Bunny and Penguin with him, and those are their names: Bunny and Penguin. They are (as if you wondered) a Bunny and a Penguin.  Why complicate things? I think The Baby is very practical.  Mini Me’s first teddy bear from Build-A-Bear was named Jim. Try to explain that one.  Any way, we were chatting before going to sleep and I told The Baby all about Britch and Nightie.  He stared at me with his eyes wide.  You mean you actually slept with your father’s, um, I mean Poppy’s, underwear??? The Baby said to me. I chuckled.  If you put it that way, I suppose it does sound a little…well….let’s just say strange and leave it at that.  YES! I told him, and guess what? I still have him! The Baby’s eyes got wider as I jumped out of the bed.  I only had to look in 3 drawers before I found Britch.  See, I always know where Britch is.  Just like The Middle Child always knows where Bippo is.  Just like The Baby always knows where Bunny and Penguin are!  I held him up for The Baby to look at.  He was mystified.  How, in God’s name, could his mother still have her security blanket? And furthermore, why in the hell was it a pair of nylon boxer shorts that are now unrecognizable as such? In fact, the only evidence at all that Britch was, at one time, britches of any sort, is the tag that says “Size 32”.  I showed The Baby Britch’s paint stain.  I got Britch in some wet, white paint at some point. It’s still there.  Anyway,  we finally went to sleep.  The next day, I got up and made up the bed.  That night, we got to go to see the Atlanta Braves play at their new stadium.  We got home at midnight.  I was in the bathroom, brushing my teeth, when I heard JC (who never turns down our bed) yell out:  OH MY GOD! Is that BRITCH?  I spit on the mirror-from laughing.  I walked into our room and he was looking at me, eyebrows raised.  YES, HELL, IT IS BRITCH!  I said, WHAT OF IT?  I snapped a quick pic of Britch in our bed.   He was still looking at me. That is seriously fucked up, he said.  It is not! I said, and explained the whole thing.  Then, not really caring what he thought about it, I got into the bed and turned out my light.  Whatever, I said, and I went to sleep with Britch in my clutches.  Britch

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