Just A Normal Morning

*Contains Language My Mothah Will Deem Inappropriate*  😉

I thought I would share with you what a normal day looks like at Chez-Psychomother.  Especially since today started off so, well, normally……

The Middle Child came into our room and said, “MOM! It’s 6:52! Are you going to get up?” Well, I was planning on it, yes.  My alarm had been going off intermittently since 5:30am to the sounds of Tupac’s  “California Love”, but it just hadn’t been able to rouse me.  Maybe I need to change the song to something a little more lively. Note to self: I will try to remember how I set that song in the first place and set something else later today.  God forbid I have to ask the children for help with my phone.  Shit. Okay. I jumped out of bed and turned on the light, almost stepping on The Baby’s head.  I guess I should just go ahead and tell you that The Baby does not sleep in his own room.  He sleeps on the floor in my room.  Look people, at least he is out of our bed and on our floor.  The pediatrician is helping me with this.  I am supposed to be moving him closer and closer to the door and then out into the hallway and then into his room.  Okay okay. That was 6 months ago.  He is still right beside our bed.  I will get to it.  Eventually. Whatever.  Like I said, people, he is not in our bed. He is on the damn floor. Live with it and read on or log out.   Here comes Mini Me.  “I have to go right now. ”  (Me) “It’s not even 7:00, what’s the rush?”  I knew good and well what the rush was.  The rush was Starbuck’s.  Mini Me was driving this morning.  He has already walked into school late once, venti Starbuck’s in his hand!  I rushed downstairs, remembering that I needed to make his peanut butter sandwich.  Yes, I do realize that Mini Me is far old enough to make his own peanut butter sandwich; however, he will opt not to make it.  If I make it, he will eat it.  I think.  So I barked at The Middle Child to get the toaster out of the laundry room and I made the damn sandwich and stuck it in his lunchbox.  One would think that if Mini Me was so ready to go, he might be waiting by the door.  No.  Mini Me was downstairs in his room, with the music blaring, waiting for me to come tell him I was finished making his damn sandwich.  So I did.  Finally, or so I thought, Mini Me and The Middle Child were out the door and in the car.  I headed upstairs to wake The Baby and get him ready while JC was in the shower.  Then, I heard The Middle Child stomping up the stairs to her room.  Then I heard Mini Me stomping downstairs to his room.  Then I heard Mini Me yelling for me.  “MOM! HAVE YOU SEEN MY WALLET?”  Well, no.  Why would I have seen his wallet?  “NO! DIDN’T YOU HAVE IT LAST NIGHT?” He had gone to Kroger for me after he went to the gym at 9:00pm.  I left The Baby to wake up on his own, on the floor, and went running downstairs because nobody, and I mean NOBODY can find a damn thing around here but ME.  By this time, The Middle Child and Mini Me were both back in the car, searching for the wallet.  I opened the back door of the car and searched.  Mini Me and I both headed back in the house at the same time and back downstairs into his room.  “I am looking in here Mom.  It doesn’t do any good for you to be in here too”,  Mini Me snapped at me.  I moved into the playroom.  “DID YOU CHECK YOUR CLOSET?”, I yelled from the playroom.  Apparently he had not.  “FOUND IT!”,  he yelled when he checked the closet.  “THANKS MOM! BYE, LOVE YOU!”  Oh, that Mini Me.  He is quite a piece of work.  I am still not exactly sure what he had up his sleeve this morning.  I am pretty sure it was more than Starbuck’s.  Now that I finally had the two of them out of the house, it was back to The Baby to get him dressed and ready.  He was actually dressed and waiting for me to help him with his Converse high tops when I got back upstairs.  This is the story of The Baby’s life.  Poor thing.  He lives in the shadow of Mini Me and The Middle Child and all of their drama.  He knew that if I had to come up there, after all of the yelling and the searching for the wallet, and he was not dressed, I would be less than pleased.  He had even brushed his little teeth!  I got his shoes on him and grabbed what I thought was his water bottle and headed downstairs with him to get his protein shake.  By this time, JC was ready and waiting to take The Baby to school.   I started putting ice in the water bottle and realized that it was actually MY water bottle.  I was at the END of MY rope by now.  JC was rushing me.  “DAMMIT!” I said, “wrong bottle”.  JC yelled for The Baby to go find his water bottle. “NO!, ” I said, “I CAN GET IT FASTER! I KNOW WHERE IT IS!”, I turned around and smacked my forehead on a pot hanging on the pot rack.  “MOTHERFUCKER!” I yelled.  “WHAT is the matter with you ?! “,  JC said from the other room.  “NOTHING! I HIT MY DAMN HEAD ON A POT AND IT HURT!”  I yelled as I ran upstairs to get The Baby’s water bottle.  I ran back down and filled his bottle with ice and water and shoved it into his backpack, zipped it all up and walked JC and The Baby both to the car.  I helped The Baby buckle his seat belt.   I told them both that I love them and to have a great day.  Then I watched them drive out of the driveway and walked back into the house and locked the door, breathing a sigh of relief.   This, my friends, is an example of what a  normal  morning looks like at our house.  I could not wait to fix my caramel macchiato with the 3 inches of Redi Whip, caramel sauce, and sugar sprinkles, and sit down to write.  Perhaps you envision me sitting at my beautiful desk, typing away on my iMac with the 27 inch screen.  Let me ruin that image for you.  I am sitting at my kitchen table that I bought on Craigslist a few years ago,  typing away on my antique MacBook.  I think it is circa 2007.  When the kids’ friends come over and see our MacBook, they actually say, “What is THAT?”  A couple of years ago, the hard drive burned up and I lost all of my pictures.  They can be recovered for $77,000,000.00.   Also, the screen comes and goes.  It is starting to flicker now, so, now that I have everyone out of my hair for a few short hours, I am going to get to work on one or two of my 27 art projects that I have already started….. Happy Wednesday 😉

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