Day before yesterday, I actually made a trip to the grocery store. I hate going to the grocery store, so I normally order groceries and have them delivered. Now, I know how that sounds.  It sounds all fancy and ooh la la. It’s really not.  In fact, when I order groceries, I tend to spend less money than when I actually go to the store myself.

The real reason that I decided to just go was that I had to pick up some prescriptions and some wine. The delivery services don’t bring that stuff to your door.  Since I had not actually done the shopping in, well, months, I decided I would just bite the bullet and do it.  I was not excited.

I entered the store with my buggy (I got the big one and not the tiny one-I knew it was going to be a big trip).  I had two lists. One list was in the notes section of my phone and the other was a screen shot of a recipe in my photos.  Also, since I was there….I saw lots of random things that we had not had in a while, so I chucked those items into the buggy as well….see, I told you: it’s cheaper for me to order groceries.

I started to get frustrated when I kept having to backtrack. I do not like having to backtrack in the store.  I was forgetting things that were on aisles I had either passed or already been down.  This was going to take forever, but on the bright side, I did keep finding things that we needed that were not on the list!

The extreme frustration came when I could not find the damn candy corn! I love candy corn. I wheeled the buggy around the circle of Halloween candy four times. I was talking to myself the whole time. I was also looking for my favorite Halloween M&M’s, but all I could find was the new Pumpkin Spice flavor. YUCK.  Finally, on my fourth trip around (which was going to be the last one) I found the candy corn.  I only like Brach’s, by the way.  I was hoping they would also have a bag of mellocream pumpkins. They did not. There were some pumpkins mixed in a bag called “Autumn Harvest” or something like that, but I hate that candy corn that has brown on it, and that was also in “Autumn Harvest”, so no pumpkins for me this year.  I don’t need them anyway.  Truth be told, I do not need the candy corn and should have given up the search party after the first go round.

When I finally had (or thought I had) everything I came for and more, I went to check out. All of the self-checkout lanes were full and there was a line, so I passed them and went to the regular check out lanes. Of course, there was one regular lane open.  The cashier was chatting with the elderly lady who was writing a check at the register.  There was another elderly lady (think late 80’s here, people) after her, and then another lady, then me.  It was going to be the slowest line in history.  We were right next to the Express 15 Items or Less line.  Nobody was in that line. The cashier motioned for me to come over to her lane. With my 327 items.

I started unloading everything quickly, lest another customer with the right amount of items come up.  The cashier said, “Ma’am, you don’t have to worry.  I told you to come over here.” I said that I knew that, but still!  She was ringing stuff up and bagging and I was taking the bags and loading as fast as humanly possible.  We would have made a great team if we were in a contest.  She was about 3/4 of the way through my 327 items when an elderly man walked up with his four or five items.  He was staring at my items. I whispered to the cashier, “He is counting my items!” The cashier whispered back to me, “I told you, you are fine! I told you to come over here in the first place!”

I got everything loaded up, and the man looked at me and said, “Can I ask you a question?” I was sure it was going to be “why do you think you can get in the Express Lane with 327 items?”, but it was not.  I said, “absolutely!” He said, “What kind of wine do you like?” The cashier had bagged the wine last.  “Pinot Noir is my favorite, but I like most reds,” I answered. Then the man, the cashier, and I stood there for 5 minutes chatting about wine. Go figure.

I got home, unloaded and put away the 327 items and realized I had totally forgotten the damn toothpaste. And it was ON THE LIST!