I’m dragging, people. Badly. I am really not feeling this Christmas thing. My asthma is not great, so I had to go buy a new respirator mask from Home Depot-just to go into the attic and retrieve the 20 some odd boxes of Christmas shit.
First, I decided I would do the outdoor decorations. I got them all out of the shed in the backyard. I was not exactly looking forward to this task. Last year, I bought a gigantic Eiffel Tower. It is fantastique; however, the lights that came with it were about to give all of us, and anyone driving down the street, an epileptic seizure. They would not stop blinking, and they blinked at a speed so rapide that….well, let’s just say, the Eiffel Tower was not plugged in all season. So…when I packed the outdoor decorations away last year, I cut out all of the lights inside the Eiffel Tower, and dismantled it completely, vowing to buy new lights to install this year. I did that. I found and bought (what I thought) was the perfect set of fairy lights, complete with a remote control for blinking and whatnot. I installed the lights into each section of La Tour Eiffel. There were not enough lights. That was bad enough. When I decided to just look at the lights I had installed, I found that they did not work! La Tour Eiffel is lying in the carport, under a blanket currently. I was afraid I might throw her down the street. I am going to have to purchase new lights and undo everything that I did yesterday, complete with zip ties and the whole works. Today was just not that day.
After I masked up and brought everything down from the attic, I suddenly really just did not care what was in the boxes. I wanted to lie down and read my book. Then it hit me right square between the eyeballs: WHERE WAS THE ELF? I was sure he was in my bedside table. I ran upstairs and found the bag. I was sadly mistaken. I found 2 bags. One has the Alexander Hamilelf costume in it. The other has all of his other outfits: his leather jacket, hockey jersey, ski suit and accessories….BUT NO ELF! Why does this happen to me? YEAR AFTER YEAR. And last year it was not my fault! I had just had major foot surgery. I cannot be blamed for this! I have looked everywhere I can think of to look. YES, everybody here is old enough to live without the Elf, except ME!!! I NEED THE ELF!! I already have presents for the Elf to bring the children! Not only is the Elf missing, but so is his reindeer!!!! JC keeps saying they will turn up. I’m not sure where they will turn up, but I guess I’m going to have to turn this place upside down tomorrow while everyone is at school. I think that if I could find the Elf, I might be able to get myself in the mood to fix the Eiffel Tower….